The Ungrateful Refugee: What Immigrants Never Tell You

The author breaks away from her personal narrative to tell the story of Darius, a handsome and talented tailor in Isfahan, Iran, who receives romantic texts from the daughter of hardline Sepâh officers. Darius begs her to stop, but a Basiji (a force of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps) volunteer militia corners and bludgeons him. The Basijis claim that he instigated the fight, leading the Sepâh to invade his home and beat him into a three-month-long coma. The Sepâh label him a communist and heretic while ignoring his parents’ calls for justice. The assault leaves Darius with scars throughout his body and painful brain damage that causes him to lose “details like a liar would” (18).

Darius pays a smuggler to take him into Turkey by foot, where another smuggler overcharges him for an airboat ride to the Greek island of Lesbos. He doesn’t get into the first boat, which capsizes, but Turkish authorities capture and imprison him for two months until his brain medication runs out. He suffers from delirium, and many officials assume that he is lying to enter Europe for economic reasons. Darius makes it to Greece but ends up at the infamous Moria detention camp.

Nayeri is born during the Iranian Revolution in 1979 to her Maman (mother), a doctor, and Baba (father), a dentist. At a young age, Nayeri develops compulsions to count, pick at things, and press her chin against her neck—and these compulsions worsen after her escape. When Nayeri is six years old, the family travels to England to stay with Nayeri’s maternal grandmother, Maman Moti, for a wedding. England fascinates Nayeri, and she later attends a coed English school. However, a group of boys attacks her, with one crushing her hand against the door and permanently ripping off one of her nails. Maman and the children convert to Christianity and pray at the home of Brother Yousef, an Assyrian priest. Nayeri believes in Jesus Christ but questions biblical contradictions. Meanwhile, Baba’s opium addiction, abusiveness, and disapproval of Maman’s activism fractures their marriage.

In Iran, Nayeri attends an all-girls Islamic school. Nayeri focuses on schoolwork—partly motivated by her mother’s educational pedigree, but also because she wants to look at the wall displaying class rankings rather than the walls with revolutionary images. The harsh teachers punitively and physically abuse students, take away a poor-performing student (named Khadijeh) when she wets herself in class, and question Nayeri about her religion. When a teacher tears up Nayeri’s calligraphy in front of her, Baba rushes to the school and admonishes the teacher. He teaches Nayeri not to back down from anyone. After Nayeri apologizes for the incident, the teacher tells her not to betray women to men and gives her responsibility for morning chants. Despite her mother’s protests and her own remorse, Nayeri leads the school in wishing death on America and Israel. At one point, Nayeri sees her favorite teacher, Ms. Yadoli, without a chador and is shocked by how young she is.

Over three years, Iranian authorities break into Maman’s office, stop her in traffic, and arrest her three times. By 1988, Iran was fighting a war and killing dissidents. After her third arrest, Maman learns that the government would execute her if she does not spy on the church. Maman leaves with the children that night. Nayeri’s uncle Reza slips past surveillance cars and drives them to the Tehran airport, posing as their father to a police officer. Baba arranges tickets to Karaji, which bypass security protocols and wartime shutdowns. At the last minute, Baba secures passports to Dubai, United Arab Emirates, by providing a free root canal to an official. The family would refer to these events as Maman’s Three Miracles. Nayeri swears to learn English and excel in school.

The author once more steps back from her own narrative and introduces the stories of two Kurdish men, one that authorities label a “survivor” and the other an “opportunist” despite similar ordeals (51). The first is Kaweh Beheshtizadeh, who lives in the Kurdish town of Paveh along Iran’s border. A star student and table tennis player, Kaweh resents the Iranian government’s imposition of Farsi on the region. Inspired by the Kurdish Democratic Party of Iran (KDPI), Kaweh sneaks into Iraq and joins the independence movement. After escaping an arrest, Kaweh reaches KDPI’s headquarters and impresses his interviewers with his knowledge and political ambition. Kaweh becomes a writer, translator, and archivist for the party, where he develops a deep appreciation of KDPI founder Abdul Rahman Ghassemlou. The Iranian authorities learn of Kaweh’s activities and ask him to become a spy. When he refuses, the officials target his mother.

With the Iraq War approaching in 2002, Kaweh leaves the KDPI and escapes into Turkey, where the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) recognize his refugee status. However, the Turkish authorities refuse to acknowledge the document, and Kaweh receives a threat from Iran. After two years, Kaweh decides to go to Greece. His first escape attempt by water is a trap as the smugglers leave him on a dinghy. The Turkish officials take his valuables and leave him on the border. A second smuggler transports him to England via caravan. He completes the final leg by hitchhiking in the back of a truck driver’s container, which is less frightening than staying in the Middle East. Vowing to make something of himself, Kaweh surrenders to officials in Dover.

Kambiz Roustayi lives in a northern province close to Kaweh. He trains in electrical engineering but is interested in cooking despite his mother’s objections. However, the Basijis accuse him of adultery after he unknowingly meets a married woman for tea. He crosses the mountains into Turkey and travels by road through Europe. Arriving in the Netherlands, an optimistic Kambiz goes to Amsterdam and surrenders to the authorities.