Abuela, Don't Forget Me

Content Warning: This section of the guide discusses physical abuse, child abuse, anti-LGBTQ+ bias, drug use, and racism.

Rex Ogle’s relationship with his Abuela in Abuela, Don’t Forget Me is an example of the transformative power of unconditional love. Abuela’s unwavering love and support for her grandson radically changes the trajectory of Ogle’s life. Her love shapes the way Ogle views himself and enables him to achieve his goals.

Abuela’s is the only unconditional love that Ogle has ever known. In his relationship with his mother, Ogle is frequently put down, abused, and neglected. With Abuela, Ogle receives the love and support that he is so often lacking at home. One of the ways Abuela’s love transforms Ogle’s life is by investing in his future. She begins to pay him for earning good grades in school, incentivizing him to work hard because: “[Y]ou are worth / investing in. You are special. / One day, you will do great things. / If you work hard” (106). Ogle is intelligent, but the instability and chaos of his home life often prevent him from achieving his true potential. 

Once Abuela shows him how much she believes in him, Ogle begins trying harder in school, soon becoming one of the top performers in his class. Abuela is also the one who pushes Ogle to apply to the Junior Scholars program at Abilene Christian University, telling him that he has the ability to earn the scholarship. When he attends the program, Ogle’s life transforms further, experiencing a small surge of hope in his future.

This positive and hopeful trajectory continues as Ogle moves in with Abuela to be eligible for the Local Scholars program. Living in Abuela’s home reshapes his perception of himself. He realizes that “the stress, the violence, the degradation, the heartache of [his] old home / somehow stunted [him]” (148) while living under his mother’s roof. Now living with Abuela, who only loves and believes in him, Ogle no longer exists in a constant state of fight or flight. He notices that he is more confident, attracting friends and admirers at school. He takes another look at himself, now viewing himself through the lens of Abuela’s unconditional love for him: “still a striped animal, a human zebra / but / standing taller / painted beautiful / by Abuela’s own hand” (148-149). In this quote, Ogle gives direct credit to Abuela for “painting” him anew with her love.

Although Abuela’s love cannot protect Ogle from all hardship, as evidenced by his months being unhoused in New Orleans, her unconditional love ultimately leads him back to safety. After contemplating death by suicide, Abuela is the person Ogle knows that he can call who will save him. She does, asking no questions and only begging him to come home. When she tells him, “You are safe” (193), it enables Ogle to let go of the tension and trauma he has been holding in his body all these months, crumpling into her and crying with abandon in the safety of her arms. With Abuela’s love, Ogle can once again move forward and achieve his dreams.