Abuela, Don't Forget Me

Although Abuela, Don’t Forget Me, is a memoir about Ogle’s early childhood and adolescence, Abuela’s influence on Ogle’s life is the central subject. Abuela is the person whom he credits with everything good that has happened to him in a childhood otherwise marked by abuse, neglect, and instability.

The early poems in the memoir illustrate the many ways in which Abuela influences his life. She is the one who teaches him life lessons, explaining the importance of saying “por favor y gracias” to everyone, regardless of their station in life, and taking him to the library. She is the one who keeps him fed, promising him, “You will not go hungry—not while I live” (11). Abuela is more of a mother figure to Ogle than his own mother, who appears only sporadically in the early chapters, often with a word of derision toward both Ogle and Abuela.

With the introduction of his mother’s new husband, Sam, Ogle and his mother begin a series of moves that take him further away from Abuela and for longer periods of time. The scope of her ability to influence Ogle’s life becomes strained, although she finds ways to remain committed to helping him, even if it means putting further distance between them. An example of this is when Abuela calls Ogle’s paternal grandparents, arranging for him to visit them for the summer so that Ogle can get far away from Sam’s increasing abuse. When Ogle learns this, he thinks: “I am warm, thinking of Abuela / whose love I can feel / all the way from Texas” (66). This illustrates Abuela’s selflessness: As much as it pains her to be away from Ogle, she does not hesitate to do what she believes is best for him.

As Ogle grows up and his intelligence and capacity to achieve become clear, Abuela helps shape Ogle’s future through tangible and emotional support. She encourages him to apply to both the Junior Scholars and Local Scholars programs, which opens Ogle’s world to the reality that college and dreams are not out of reach. She encourages his burgeoning talent for writing, buying him a journal and instilling in him the belief that his words matter: “These are my words. / They do matter. […] And I still write. / I will always write. / No one can stop me from writing. / My words are mine / with a voice given to me / by my abuela” (111-12). This is a powerful explanation of Abuela’s role in Ogle’s life: He credits her as giving him his voice, owing his career as a writer to her direct influence.

Although Abuela has a powerful influence over Ogle’s self-confidence and perception of his abilities, one of the most important ways she influences his life is by being his safe landing place at the end of the text. When Ogle finally calls Abuela for help after experiencing being unhoused, she welcomes him back without question, begging him to return to her. Their reunion is a homecoming for Ogle: “She embraces me […] her breath whispers / ‘You are safe.’ / Then I crumble into her. / She holds me, and lets me cry” (193). In Abuela’s arms, Ogle can release all that he has had to keep inside for his survival. He can be vulnerable with her, knowing without a doubt that he is safe and that he is home when he is with her.

Ogle’s mother is a complex figure. Selfish and quick to anger, she is a reliably unreliable character in Ogle’s life. Ogle’s mother’s influence on his life is a negative one. She is a force of instability for him, constantly moving the family, remaining unemployed for long periods, physically abusing Ogle, and generally acting out of self-interest. She struggles in her relationship with her mother, which causes her to resent the closeness between Abuela and Ogle: “[Y]ou are my son. Not hers” (8). This assertion belies his mother’s complexity: She wants to claim Ogle as her own, but at every turn throughout the text she is quick to leave him with Abuela, and overall lacks involvement and investment in his life.

Mom struggles to establish a stable life for herself and Ogle, failing to find gainful employment and moving the family around frequently with her second husband, Sam. She struggles to provide for Ogle, relying on—while simultaneously resenting—Abuela’s offers to help: “‘I don’t need you to buy us groceries, Mother’ […] with me saying, ‘Yes, you do. / Now say ‘gracias.’ / Mom says nothing” (88). Despite her many flaws, Ogle’s mother is also a victim of abuse, experiencing physical abuse from Sam.

A key scene that encapsulates Ogle’s mother’s character is in the poem “boy interrupted,” when she physically attacks Ogle and accuses him of using drugs. Ogle realizes this visit is only a ruse to confiscate the car that Abuela helped Ogle buy. This scene is one of anagnorisis for Ogle: He acknowledges his mother’s true nature, her inherent inability to do anything without a selfish aim: “I stop. / Realizing. / ‘That’s what this is about.’ / This isn’t about me / and drugs. This is about her’” (162). Although she has always shown him who she is, this moment clearly illustrates to Ogle his mother’s character. 

There is no redemption for Ogle’s mother or reconciliation between them in the text. When his mother reveals that she, Sam, and Ford plan to move to Abilene to be closer to Ogle as he attends college, demanding that Ogle thank her for the role she played in his successful graduation from high school, Ogle denounces her: “You have ruined the last seventeen years of my life /[…] you will NOT ruin the next seventeen” (175). This argument precipitates Ogle’s decision to stay with his father in Alabama for the summer, resulting in his summer being unhoused in New Orleans. 

When he returns to Abuela’s house, he learns that his mother is long gone. Ogle’s mother’s fate is unknown to the reader, as Ogle does not state what happens to her after this. It is merely implied that her life of unpredictability and instability continued, but that Ogle made good on his promise that she would no longer have power over him.